I am starting to get overstressed. I can tell because this past week I slept poorly on several nights and woke up in the morning with butterflies in my stomach and tenseness in my shoulders. During the day, I’ve noticed a constant feeling of tightness in my chest. I’ve been yelling more at my kids in the morning as we try to get out the door for school and work.
I get this way when I expect too much of myself.
Last month, I enrolled in a business program to help me with marketing implementation for my coaching business. I also joined a weekly breakfast networking group which means waking up extra early one day a week and changing our entire morning routine for that day.
And it’s not just the time commitments, but all of the to-dos and assignments that come with these new activities.
Additionally, my kids have had more extracurricular commitments after school recently and they’ve been at their dad’s less frequently. That means I have fewer opportunities to really relax and let my hair down or to catch up on house stuff and spending time with friends. On top of that, it’s getting darker and colder in Minnesota, and so we’re finding it harder to want to leave the house and brave the cold snowy elements.
Okay, I’ll stop. I imagine that you get the picture and that you have your own stress as well.
On the positive side, the business program and networking commitments are moving me in the direction that I want to go in my business and will provide me with accountability, support, and love along the way.
But, on the other hand, the added responsibilities are stressing me out. I can’t seem to wrap my head around the idea that I don’t have to get everything done at once and that I am exactly where I need to be at this moment. I may be able to tell myself these exact words and know them to be true in my body, mind, and heart, but I feel it only momentary.
Then it’s gone again, and I’m pushing my way through things rather than being in the flow.
You see, I struggle constantly with the desire to be further along than I am. As an entrepreneur, you may know this feeling too: Wanting to be further along, wishing you had done certain things in your business from the start, wondering always what the next step is and wishing you had accomplished it yesterday.
I’d like to share some things that came to light for me when I took the time to reflect on why I get so stressed:
- I forget on a very deep level, that I am on my OWN journey. Not yours, not my neighbors, not the other people in my networking or business groups. Just my own.
- I set these deadlines and put pressure on myself because it’s easier to push to get more done than to sit with the uncertainty of the unknown.
- I see opportunities everywhere, and it’s hard not to want to pursue things that seem interesting.
- Even though I focus on staying in my own lane, I still compare myself with others, especially when I’m meeting new people and trying new things.
And so I decided to write a letter to myself. It’s helping me to feel calmer and see the bigger picture. Here it is:
Dear Sylvia,
You are exactly where you need to be right now, and you are learning the lessons that are important for you at this moment. You may not feel it, but it’s true. Be kind to yourself and listen to your body.
Give yourself permission to see the bigger picture and to let go of having to rush through your life. You don’t have to do it all in one day or one month or one year. This is your life. It’s not a race. I give you permission to do less. I give you permission to do nothing.
Here are some things that I want you to do more of, and you have my permission to do less of other things:
- Spend more time in the evenings before bed reading pleasurable novels.
- Take hot baths with lavender Epsom salts and sit and soak a few nights a week.
- Take moments throughout the day to do paced breathing. Six counts in, four counts hold, eight counts out.
- Spend time with your kids without having an agenda. Stop looking at the clock. It’s not important.
- Keep getting to bed by 9 or 9:30 pm each night. If you’re tired and you want to go to sleep earlier, do it!
- Give yourself the gift of time for things like yoga, body scans, and progressive muscle relaxation. You may not feel like you have time to do these things, but afterward, you’ll feel so much better.
- Keep journaling and writing morning pages. Writing helps you stay centered.
Love, love, love to you.
If your body is telling you that you’re putting too much pressure on yourself, know that you are not alone. But, you can slow down, pay more attention to your body, and start saying yes to the things that will help you feel calmer, more rested and relaxed. Don’t stop doing the things that will help you reach your goals, but give yourself enough grace that you can take the longer route to get there.
Allow yourself healing space to be present and just be. Ask yourself, what are the things that I can do for myself that will help me feel calmer?
Take a moment to jot a few of those things down. Or write yourself a letter like I did, to find some clarity and peace and new direction.
Create space in your schedule to do more of these renewing activities. Your body and your mind will thank you, and the paradox is that it will also give you more energy to effortlessly get more done.
