Defusion Quick Tips:
- Defusion is a technique that helps you take your mind less seriously by detaching from negative thoughts that cause emotional pain. It helps reduce rumination so that you can be more present to your environment. It helps you get out of your head.
- With defusion, you’re not trying to change your thoughts. You’re simply adding a layer of detachment by noticing and labeling the thoughts as they arise.
- It’s important to also practice self-compassion along with defusion. When you notice that your mind is going down a self-critical path, have compassion towards yourself. It’s normal to have self-critical voices in your head. Often times these voices are just trying to protect us and keep us safe from judgment, discomfort and shame.
- Two ways that you can practice defusion are “Labeling Thoughts” and “Thank you, Mind.” I’ll tell you how to do them at the end of this post.
Have you ever noticed that your mind has a mind of its own?
Maybe you’re driving to work on autopilot, anticipating how your day will unfold. On one hand, you’re paying attention to traffic signals and other cars on the road. On the other hand, your mind is really more engrossed in the inner chatter that no one but you can hear.
Here’s what’s going on in your head:
Gosh. Why is the car in front of me going so slowly? Don’t they have anywhere to be?
-and-
The meeting today is going to suck. They’re not going to be interested in the presentation, and I’ll have done it for nothing. Why even bother?
-and-
Boy I feel so bloated. Why did I eat that last night?
Sound familiar? Michael Singer, the author of “The Untethered Soul” refers to this chatter as the “inner roommate.”
The inner roommate is the 24/7 running commentary in our head that has an opinion on everything and anything.
There are two major problems with the inner roommate. One, it keeps us from being present in the moment, which is the only moment that we really have.
What’s more, we’re often so used to the the inner roommate’s constant chatter that we don’t recognize that we have other choices. We have the ability to decrease the volume of the chatter, but only when we recognize it for what it is: unimportant.
Fortunately, there are ways to free yourself from your inner roommate, even if you can’t stop her from chattering.
The first step involves self-compassion. When you notice that your inner roommate’s dialogue is self-critical, you can acknowledge that you’re suffering without judging it negatively or trying to shut it down. Maybe your inner roommate is just trying to keep you safe so that you don’t doanything too risky or scary. Tell yourself: “My mind inner roommate is chattering. She’s probably scared and wants to protect me from doing something stupid or risky. There is no need to judge her. She’s only trying to help.”
The second step is defusion, and it’s based on the work of psychologist Steven Hayes, PhD, who established Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Defusion is a cognitive technique that helps you take your mind less seriously so that you can view your thoughts in a more objective manner.
It stems from the idea that you don’t have to put weight on every thought, emotion or sensation that you have.
Unlike cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), where you reframe or challenge unhelpful thoughts and replace them with more helpful ones, with defusion you simply observe and accept what you’re thinking and feeling from a detached perspective.
With defusion you’re acknowledging your thoughts and recognizing that you don’t have to give them much power if you don’t want to.
For example, instead of:
This sucks. I’ll never be able to do this. I’m not going to be able to observe my thoughts. I feel irritated.
Try thinking this:
I’m noticing I’m having the thought that this sucks and am thinking I won’t be able to do this. I’m noticing that I’m having the thought that I won’t be able to observe my thoughts. I am having the feeling of irritation.
The difference with defusion is that you’re adding an extra layer of detachment by identifying and labeling the thoughts as they arise.
Don’t worry if this shift in thinking seems weird at first. The more you practice it, the easier it will become.
Below are two techniques that you can practice to accept and detach from your thoughts.
Labeling Thoughts Exercise:
I am having the thought that ____________________ (describe your thought).
I am having the feeling that _____________________ (describe your emotion).
I am noticing a desire to ________________________ (describe your action urge).
Thank You, Mind Exercise:
My favorite defusion technique is called “Thank You, Mind.” I teach it a lot because it’s so simple to do and it quickly snaps you out of your negative train of thought. Anytime you’re having an unpleasant or persistent thread of thoughts, you can just tell yourself, “thank you, mind,” after each thought. It reminds you that it’s only a thought, and it also helps you to see that your mind has lots of thoughts, many of which are absurd, unhelpful or nonsensical, and this is just what your mind does.
Here’s an example of how “Thank You, Mind” works.
I’m so stupid. “Thank you, mind.”
I’m never going to be able to do it. “Thank you, mind.”
I’m going to be the laughing stock. “Thank you, mind.”
I’m so anxious that I’m going to throw up. “Thank you, mind.”
Okay, I get it.
Now you try it!
