Sometimes I think that loneliness is a bad word in our society. To say that we feel lonely seems like an admission to being defective or different than all of our friends and neighbors who are posting beautiful photos on Facebook and Instagram. (So not true!)
I want you to know that there is no shame in feeling lonely. I get lonely too.
Last week, I felt lonely and a bit stressed after work. My kids were at their dad’s house, and I was feeling too restless to go home and spend the evening alone. I ended up walking over to Alice and Jon’s house, a neighborhood couple who are like grandparents to my kids and family to me, and where I feel completely supported.
We sat in the living room watching a beautiful memorial concert held for the singer-songwriter, Leonard Cohen, and I fell in love listening to K.D. Lang singing his famous composition, Hallelujah. After an hour or so with my friends, I felt re-connected and grounded. I was no longer feeling as lonely, and I returned home grateful for the relaxing experience and for the comfort that I got from spending time with my friends.
I’m choosing to write about loneliness today because I believe it’s an issue that comes up as an entrepreneur, especially if you’re a solo entrepreneur like me. You can build in systems to feel connected to others, but the first thing is to be aware of the issue and to take the shame off of it.
There are tons of great reasons to work for yourself–not having to ask others for permission before going to a doctor’s appointment or buying a plane ticket to a conference. But if you’re not prioritizing your connections, both professionally and personally, you may start to feel isolated and get tunnel vision.
There are times when I wish that I could easily walk to a coworker’s desk and just chat. Or that I could simply grab lunch with someone by going to the breakroom and plopping down on a chair next to others instead of being in my office by myself.
Don’t get me wrong. I can make lunch plans with friends and colleagues. It just takes a lot more effort, and unless I prioritize it, it doesn’t happen. It’s simply a lot easier for me to stay in my office in front of the computer when I’m not meeting with clients.
(Note: Yes, the majority of my time at work is spent with clients. I find these interactions deeply fulfilling and satisfying, but it’s a professional relationship. There are boundaries, and that’s not the same as a friendship or a collegial relationship. In other words, I can still feel lonely even if I’m interacting all day with clients.)
The bottom line is that we need to take care of ourselves by nurturing our friendships and connections with others.
We need to find ways to get outside and meet up with people so that we don’t feel alone or isolated. We are social beings. We learn and grow by sharing with each other and exchanging ideas and energy.
If you’re working from home or in an office by yourself, you won’t take care of your need for human connection if you don’t prioritize it. This human connection is the antidote for loneliness.
Take care of yourself. Make it happen. Make it a priority. You’ll feel better for doing so.
Here are some ways to beat the loneliness of the solopreneur:
- Join a gym or take a class in a subject you’re interested in.
- Join a weekly networking group.
- Become a member of a mastermind or consultation group.
- Cultivate and prioritize your friendships. Make plans, even if they’re a month off because of your schedules.
- Make a point of scheduling a weekly or bi-weekly lunch with someone you want to network with or catch up with.
- When you are with someone else, really listen to and pay attention to them. Give them the gift of your focus.
- Tell people how you feel. Allow them to support you.
- Recognize that even when you feel lonely, you are not alone. Others have felt lonely too, even if they aren’t openly sharing it.
We can’t always avoid loneliness, but we can take conscious steps to combat it. And your desire for connection might just meet someone else’s need for it as well!
