I have an annoying roommate who I’ll refer to as Bossy Sylvia. She shows up at weird hours of the day and night to tell me what I’m doing wrong.
Even though I know that she’s not real and is just an internal voice in my head that wants to keep me in my little box, she feels quite real to me and can have a big impact on me and what I do.
You see, sometimes I forget that Bossy Sylvia’s just a strict mental voice urging me to play it safe.
I start to believe her and end up editing myself based on what she says.
Bossy Sylvia has but one goal in my life, which is to keep me in a box, playing by the rules. These rules are her rules, and they’re more about doing what Bossy Sylvia thinks is right for me versus what is really in my best interest.
The rules that she wants me to follow vary, but they influence my life by keeping me from drawing upon my creativity or imagination to make decisions that are for my highest good.
Let me give you an example of how this voice bosses me around: Bossy Sylvia tells me the order in which I can and cannot do things. She’ll tell me that it doesn’t make sense to invest in courses or mentors that will help me build my business until I get further along. She’s a tightwad. She doesn’t believe that sometimes you need to invest in yourself and in your skills to move forward, and so she doesn’t want me to do those things.
If she had her way, I would white knuckle it through everything, not getting the support that I need to help me learn and implement things so that I can grow my business faster and with less stress.
Another way that she tries to control me is by telling me that if I don’t do something to the max, it’s not worth doing at all. This comes up with activities like exercise. Bossy Sylvia doesn’t believe that it’s okay to go to the gym and do a light workout when I’m tired. She argues that nothing short of doing hardcore cardio and strength training is worth going to the gym for.
When I end up listening to her, I often give up and don’t do anything. How can I please her when it’s not okay for me to listen to my body and do what feels appealing to me?
The problem with Bossy Sylvia and other internal voices like hers is that they keep us from doing what is in our best interests. They convince us that we have to do things a certain way or not at all, and the reality is that this is just not true.
Here’s the truth:
We don’t need to follow the rules that we create for ourselves in our heads if they’re not helpful to us. Doing so is silly at best and can be downright sabotaging to us at worst.
We get to make our own rules as we go along. We are allowed to step outside of our boxes and do what makes the most sense for us in the moment, even if it’s something that we haven’t tried before.
For too many of us, we’re held back and handcuffed by the bossy voices in our head telling us that there is only one way to do something.
These voices often come from the messages that we were told as children over and over again.
These messages seem powerful because they often came from powerful people in our lives, such as our parents or other adults whose approval we most desperately wanted.
What to do about this?
If you recognize that you’re struggling with feeling confined by rules that aren’t helpful to you, there are some ways to overcome this.
First, you have to recognize what’s happening. You are making up rules about how to live your life, but you also have choices and can decide if you want to continue to follow them or not.
You can also ask yourself this: How helpful is it for me to continue to follow these rules? If the answer is that it’s helpful, keep doing it.
But if the answer is no, be willing to look at your other options.
These options may feel uncomfortable because they go against the truths that you’ve told yourself and have started to believe. You’ll notice that as you explore these new possibilities, your own version of Bossy Sylvia is likely to get even more adamant and loud. That’s okay and is perfectly normal.
Feeling uncomfortable is okay. It doesn’t mean that you’re doing anything wrong, it just means that you’re considering options you haven’t before.
Don’t wait for your inner voice to give you permission to do things differently, because it won’t happen.
You’ll need to give yourself permission. Do it. Give yourself permission to break your rules when they’re no longer helpful.
Here’s the deal:
If you recognize that you live by rules even when they’re harmful and sabotaging to your goals, let’s set up a conversation to talk about this. Contact me and I’ll carve out time for you in my schedule. You can get support. You don’t have to figure this all out by yourself.
