Sometimes I wonder how other people get through difficult times and still maintain a positive mindset. I wonder because I am an anxious person, and when I’m really stressed my mind often turns first to worst case scenarios in the hopes that by exhaustively running through each and every one of them I’ll be able to protect myself from any further assault that comes my way.
In the short-term, it doesn’t matter that I know this line of thinking won’t get me anywhere. Nor does it matter that I spend most of my working days successfully helping my clients choose lines of thinking that will offer them hope and choices.
The thing is, I’m not drawn to what I do because I’ve perfected my thinking and actualized myself.
It’s because I, too, wrestle with my thoughts and feelings and yearn for more contentment and equanimity in my life.
I, too, am looking for ways to calm my anxious mind and to live my life fully.
I know that when I’m very stressed, it takes time for me to get out of feeling stuck and to see what’s possible, and so I am always curious to learn how other people stay focused and resilient in the midst of emotional turmoil, illness, and pain.
Morgan McGinnis
I had a billion thoughts and feelings swirling in my head and chest when I found out early this summer that my friend, Morgan McGinnis, had a brain tumor that she needed to have removed.
Only a few weeks earlier, I had spent an intensive weekend with her in Minneapolis completing training to be a coach. She looked great at the time, and our small coaching cohort had such fun learning and growing together.
During meal breaks at the training, Morgan talked about how she was planning to quit her full-time job at the YMCA so that she could build her coaching practice. She had leased office space with her wife, Victoria, in St. Paul, and she expressed excitement about moving in and starting this new chapter in her life.
Even though we had only known each other for a little less than a year, finding out a few weeks after the training that she had a brain tumor was devastating to me. You’ve got to understand that Morgan is 30 years old and that she is a former semi-professional rugby player for the Twin Cities Amazons. By all accounts, she’s physically strong, healthy and vital.
More importantly, she’s a very thoughtful, compassionate and joyful person.
Morgan is one of those people who has a very solid inner core, who you meet and want to incorporate into your life because when you interact with them you feel like you matter.
In the days and weeks leading up to the removal of the brain tumor and throughout her recovery, I couldn’t help feeling impressed with the resilience, courage, and positive energy that she brought to her situation.
You see, my default reaction to learning that she had the tumor was to feel scared and worried for her. I saw it as a potential death sentence. But that changed as I observed how she interacted with friends and family on social media, and how she communicated with us (her peer coaching cohorts and now good friends) to let us know how much our support meant to her.
She inspired us to bring positive energy, love, and hope to the table. She accepted our support wholeheartedly and graciously, and in doing so allowed us to be enveloped in the healing energy that we had all created. She cultivated an environment of hope and love.
This was not Morgan’s first bout with a life-threatening medical condition.
In 2014, she went from playing what she thought was the best rugby game in her life and running a 5k, to the very next week being hospitalized for 21 days. She was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer and lost more than 30 pounds in the process.
This August, I sat down with Morgan and asked her to share her mindset around the brain tumor and also getting a stage 4 cancer diagnosis.
Here are the pieces of wisdom on dealing with setbacks that I gleaned from our conversation:
- See yourself as a role model and leader. It’s no longer just about you, but how you can give others hope through your actions.
Morgan says that being a role model has been instilled in her since childhood. Her mom ran a daycare business from home and Morgan was one of the big kids who others looked up to. She says that being a role model carried over into high school, where she was captain of the basketball and track teams, and in college when she was president of the rugby team.
Seeing yourself as a role model leads you to want to inspire others and to offer them hope that they can succeed and inspire others as well.
- Don’t focus on the cure or miracle. Focus on the next step. When Morgan was first diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, she said that her sister told her that she was praying for a cure. Morgan felt that a cure might be far-fetched, but that she could focus on taking the next right step and trusting in her health care team.
She says, “I always felt that there was something else if the thing we did didn’t work.” If the chemo didn’t work, her team would try another treatment.
- Choose the lens through which you focus your actions. Are you focused on things that are out of control or things within your control? Morgan says that her worst fear in life is failure and that when she was diagnosed with cancer she felt like she had failed. It was also a huge blow to her identity to go from being in a great place in her life (peak physical condition, doing well both professionally and relationship-wise) to not knowing how long she had to live.
She says that she’s had moments where she asked herself, “why me?” There were times when she felt betrayed by her body and brain.
She says that she had to make a conscious choice to focus on getting healthier (walking, exercising, eating, gaining weight, setting goals, planning for a future) rather than dwelling on uncertainty or waiting for the other shoe to drop.
She says that after the cancer treatment, she couldn’t do anything that she used to be able to do. She had to force herself to eat. She had to force herself to read and solve puzzles instead of taking a nap. She sought help from others, contacting a friend who was also a fitness trainer and challenging herself physically and mentally so that she could regain her strength.
- The power of prayer. Ask others to pray for you. Although she’s not particularly religious, Morgan says that she believes in the power of prayer. I saw this firsthand, on Morgan’s Facebook page, with all of the people who checked in with her and said that they were praying for her and sending her positive, healing energy.
I honestly felt it, too, and it provided me with great comfort and lightness to know that we were all in this together, encircled by this energy that was far more powerful than any one person or thing.
Thanks, Morgan, for providing me with this powerful experience of love.
- Actively ask for help and lean on people.After Morgan discovered that she had a brain tumor, she immediately posted a CT scan of her tumor on social media and let people know what was happening. She says that she had practice reaching out to others through the cancer diagnosis from four years before.
Immediately, someone created a GoFundMe campaign for Morgan and her wife, and people started donating money and generously giving their energy and support. Says Morgan: “People want to help you. Let them support you.”
- Share your gratitude. A year after Morgan was discharged from the hospital for cancer, she wrote 21 Facebook posts thanking the people who had supported her. Twenty-one represented the number of days she had been hospitalized. “I try to be grateful and thankful and tell people. Without their support, it would have been a much darker and sadder place for me.”
- Stay flexible. Before Morgan was diagnosed with cancer, she had been training to become a firefighter. After the diagnosis, she realized that she should probably choose a less physically risky and demanding career. She says that coaching others and teaching people that they have a choice in how they show up has been a lifelong dream.
Originally this spring, Morgan had planned to quit her full-time position at the YMCA to pursue a coaching practice. But after the brain tumor, leaving a job that offered health insurance no longer made sense, at least for the time being.
For Morgan, this means that it may take a little longer to leave her position and go into coaching full time. But she has no doubts that she can do it. She’s willing to be flexible in her mindset and to realistically work through challenges as they come.
Before the brain tumor, Morgan hadn’t wanted to actively share her cancer experience. Since then, she says that she’s not afraid to infuse her coaching with her personal story and to use it as a source of inspiration.
Morgan’s embracing her life and finding meaning in her struggles and is sharing her story and perspectives in order to help others.
If you want to know more about Morgan, you can find her here.
