Step 1: Welcome the worry thoughts concerning criticism and invite them to have a seat.
I imagine that you’re thinking. “What??? I’m trying to stop worrying about other people’s opinions, and now you’re telling me to invite them in?”
I know this sounds counterintuitive, but the reality is that when we try new things, step out of our comfort zone, or dream big, it’s completely normal to question ourselves. The more we can hold onto this fact and recognize the pattern, the more likely we are to make conscious choices about where we focus our attention and actions.
So take a moment, and welcome your worries in. See if you can really pinpoint whose opinions you’re worried about. Maybe it’s your Aunt Frieda who lives in Maryland. Or it’s the high school friend that you lost contact with who always left you feeling slightly less than.
Maybe it’s not anyone you know personally, but mothers that you’ve seen at your kids’ school or strangers with whom you’ve come into contact through certain private Facebook groups.
Whoever it is whose opinions you’re worried about, welcome them into your home. Invite them to have a seat. Offer them a cup of coffee or tea and something engaging to read.
Step 2: Recognize that you get to choose what’s most important to you: Your opinion OR the opinions of others.
Now go into another room, take a few breaths, and get yourself comfortable. You may want to find a soft blanket to wrap around your legs. If you like, before you sit down, prepare a cup of your favorite tea (mine happens to be “Milk” Oolong, which tastes like buttery toffee). Do whatever it takes to feel comfortable and secure. You deserve to feel at ease and peaceful. This is, after all, your HOME.
Now that you’ve invited this person or people into your home and they’re sitting in the other room, consciously recognize that you’ve got some choices to make.
You get to decide whose opinion matters most to you in your life. Will you decide that you care MORE about what your former high school friend Lisa thinks, even though you haven’t seen her or kept in touch with her for decades?
How about that mother you see at fundraisers for your kids’ school? You’re not even sure what her first name is, but you’re preoccupied with worrying about what she’s going to say behind your back when she finds out what you’re up to.
Do you want to give her more power to control your actions or would you rather make your decisions based on what’s best for you in this season of your life?
The latter, of course, you say, with no hesitation in your voice.
Take a moment and reflect on the choice you’re making. Give yourself the gift of some positive self-talk. It might look something like this:
“I’m choosing to care most about my own opinions. I get to live my own life. I’m the only one who lives in my shoes 24/7. Of course, I’m nervous. I’m trying something new and that’s uncomfortable. As long as I keep moving forward, it’ll get easier for me. I can do this.”
Step 3: Set out reminders that will keep your intentions front and center.
Now that you’ve made the decision that you’ll focus on what’s best for you, you’ll want to put out some reminders to keep you from getting distracted and straying from your intentions. That person in the other room may just get bored at some point or start to act up. She may try to lure you back into listening to her critical opinions. She may knock on the door of your peaceful study and say, “Who do you think you are to leave me with a cup of tea and a book? I don’t care for these at all.”
So, take a few minutes now, and pull out a pen and paper or some post-it notes if you have them. Write down these statements:
“What other people think of me is none of my business.”
“The person whose opinion matters most is me.”
Now choose a few prime locations to put them up. You could stick one on the bottom of your laptop or desktop so that you see it anytime you get on the computer. You may also want to put one somewhere more intimate.
For example, I have my mottos and intentions posted on the inside of my master bathroom cabinet as well as on my bathroom mirror. It doesn’t matter that you put them in just the RIGHT location, but it does matter that you take time to do it and that you do it before you forget!
You see, our worries and self-doubts are insidious. They creep up on us, come into our secure and comfy room, and gain control of the space, our thoughts, before we even realize what’s happening. Stay ahead by making preparations to snap yourself out of it when those voices come in.
Step 4: Release the negativity. Thank your visitors for coming and wish them well on their journey.
Everyone gets to have their own dreams, even if they’re not our cup of tea or what we would choose for ourselves.
It’s okay that the visitor who came into your home and demanded coffee with cream doesn’t want to drink your favorite tea. It’s just not what she grew up with, what she prefers, or what’s she’s comfortable with.
Your choices vary because you are unique individuals with your own quirky sense of what you like and desire.
Release any negativity that you’ve built up around worrying that she’s judging you, this visitor of yours, who you’ve willingly invited into your own home.
Encourage her to satisfy her own desires.
Then, help her with her coat and wish her well.
She’s just trying to live her life just like you’re trying to live yours.
